Movies are only as good or bad as those watching them deem them to be and I'm sure the movies I'm kicking to the curb here are someone's faves (go figure). I still say that the following “classic” movies are such stinkers that they need to be shoved into the very back of a deep, deep vault and locked away.
Have some popcorn and see if you agree (and I actually don’t really care if you do or don’t).
And it’s a pretty good thing I don’t. Keep reading.
High Noon
I only recently saw this 1952 Western that boasts a score of 96 from critics on Rotten Tomatoes and I have to say that I do not get it.
The story is uninteresting and stale with a wholly forgone conclusion, the “acting” is stiff and unalive and everyone is wearing such clean clothes. Come on, production crew, you can do better than this. It’s curious that the summary in Rotten Tomatoes talks about how “High Noon” broke with many of the traditions of the time when it seems to be one Western movie cliché from beginning to end right down to the swinging saloon doors.
Yes, I realize that I’m holding a 1952 movie to 21st century standards and I still say this was a dull, predictable, badly paced, uninterestingly shot, poorly acted mess of a movie.
Guys and Dolls
Here’s another one that the critics adored, that gets revived on stages large and small the world over, and whose tunes have entered the lexicon but it’s also a movie that turned out to be an enormous disappointment.
True, the tunes have held up and are still very catchy, but that story?! Trite, sexist, shallow, formulaic, and telegraphing its happy ending from ten miles out. What an incredible waste of a killer cast as well or maybe I should say miscast? Marlon Brando is not the guy who usually comes to mind as a song and dance man….for a reason. And even Frank Loesser, the composer for the Broadway musical and the 1955 film, hated Frank Sinatra as Nathan Detroit and never even watched the film.
If you really really need to see this “classic”, wait for the inevitable next revival and at least see some decent choreography and arguably dated but enjoyable tunes.
The Searchers
Talk about a sexist, misogynistic, racist bunch of crap! And, again, this one is nearly universally adored by the critics of its day and ours. I am mystified.
About the only thing I can say in its defense is that the cinematography of Monument Valley is stunning. Otherwise, it’s a standard-issue Western with an Injun-hating John Wayne out to recapture his kidnapped niece from them dirty savages with the intent of killing her because, after five years, she’s no longer “white”. Ugh.
Men on horses, running around killing each other. White actors in make-up portraying two-dimensional cut-outs of indigenous people. Stilted dialogue and a contrived ending left a nasty taste long after the last scene.
His Girl Friday
This one is more problematic in that it’s really entertaining. The dialogue is fast-paced and snappy and, let’s face it, Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell could stand in front of a camera with matching dictionaries and own the production.
But the premise is kind of nauseating; that Hildy (Russell) can’t make a go of it on her own as anything. Her only choices are to play second fiddle to Cary Grant’s dishonest “journalist” or be a happy wife to milquetoast, Ralph Bellamy, and live with him and his mother. Swallowing that and barreling along with the rollicking and funny dialogue you’re kind of gobsmacked to hear terms such as “pickaninny” or completely unbelievable crap about a 1940’s mayoral candidate wooing the “black vote”. Didn't these people know about dog whistles?
This was one of our favorite films back in the day when the gang would get together for weekly movie night. Given that we generally joked and talked throughout all the movies we chose for movie night, it’s not surprising that I only caught these hiccups when my partner and I recently watched this admitted classic. It’s truly a product of its time and I doubt I’ll be rushing to see it again.
I’d be curious to hear about any classics that make your Never Again list. Once a film hits a certain age and still can put butts in seats, even if the seats are in living rooms, they tend to keep going and going.
These are a few that can safely be retired and no one would miss them.
Did I say that out loud?
Yes. Yes, I did and not only did I say it out loud, I published it on Newsbreak. A curious thing happens to some of my work there that never seems to happen anywhere else. People - I use the term loosely - pile on with nasty comments.
Work from the miserable lesbian...or is it the entitled Gen Z'er?
Does this happen here or on Medium or on Vocal Media or in response to my weekly newsletter? Nope.
Am I crushed, saddened, afraid to raise my voice there ever again?
Nope.
Reads is reads, baby, keep the garbage coming because my response to that garbage is remarkably similar to my response to these movies.
© Remington Write 2023. All Rights Reserved.
I always thought Gary Cooper was a horrible actor and I loathe John Wayne. He was a total POS.